“Look at me,” he keeps saying. I can’t, and then I do. “I wish I were where you are. You have five to ten wonderful years ahead of you. You are going to be writing and reading what you want, relatively carefree. It is going to be incredibly exciting. I’m on the other side of that now.” – The light from the lamp is hitting his face, putting gold into the lines around his eyes, across his forehead, down his neck. He is much older than me, I think, surprised. v. I call Jamie, who comes to pick me up. I tell him I am leaving, knowing that he is scared I will go home and hurt myself, knowing that he knows that he can’t do anything about it. I stand outside of my car, clutching my jacket around me, smoking and inhaling and smoking and inhaling. I can’t remember who has broken up with whom. ..I cry all night. Really cry. Maybe in medical shock, I don’t know. I take as many Nyquils as Jamie will give me. I dream of three-headed snakes. Jamie puts me to bed and curls around me. vii. When I wake up, I am still crying. ..We go to Whole Foods for breakfast. I wear a huge striped hoodie the girl who used to live in our apartment left when she moved out. “I LOOK FINE” I tell Jamie when she says she can tell I’m not wearing underwear under my leggings. I buy the biggest thing of gelato at 9:30 AM and walk around eating it, crying. I am judged by an entire family of outfit-coordinated Mormons. ix. I stop crying because I have to go to work. I stop crying, and I go to work, and I have to work, and I do work. x. Jamie picks me up, and I realize that we can go see a movie now, or not, or stay up all night, or not, or do anything we want now, and no one will get mad at me. No one will be mad that I haven’t made dinner. We can talk or not talk, and I can go to the library all night; nobody minds. And you listen to jazz, and you take walks at night in the cold, and you miss him or somebody like him, and you get to be okay. – source: “Being Taken Seriosly Despite Good Looks” http://ift.tt/1JreQUo

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