“He knows that she considered saying “I’ve been seeing someone” but has decided against it. He is thankful for this mercy.” – In the months after they broke up, he had begun watching porn regularly, even compulsively. It was satisfying to watch these scenes, never repeated in the bottomless and shifting buffet of thumbnails, yet formulaic, familiar, mannered; to view this endless fuck, dead inside, the black men fucking the latina teens dead inside, the horny cam girls dead inside, the creamy cumsluts dead inside, the hot and horny schoolgirls and their bald teachers in ill-fitting suits dead inside, the hungry, hungry girls, all of it ending and without consequence. He watched it in his room with the sound off while his flatmate was in the kitchen or in the living room; quietly, like someone else might cry in a bathroom stall.
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